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eBook 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love download
Author: Joe Kort
ISBN: 1555838987
Subcategory: Social Sciences
Pages 370 pages
Publisher Alyson Books (March 1, 2006)
Language English
Category: Politics
Rating: 4.3
Votes: 382
ePUB size: 1579 kb
FB2 size: 1286 kb
DJVU size: 1258 kb
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eBook 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love download

by Joe Kort

The author of the best-selling 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives turns his attention to the burning question of love. “There are few books for gay men on not only what to look for in Mr. Right but how to become Mr. Right. My book will address both. It is not just about finding him, it is what you do after you find him,” says author Joe Kort. A certified Imago Relationship Therapist, Kort has employed the ideas put forth by Imago founder Harville Hendrix to transform the lives and relationships of the countless gay couples he has worked with in 20 years of private practice. In “Your Sexual Shadow,” one of his new book’s 10 life-altering chapters, Kort unveils a surprising and groundbreaking idea that explores how decoding sexual fantasies can often unlock the mystery to what gay men are looking for in a partner and why. This will be particularly elucidating to men who have been conditioned to believe their sexual fantasies are an obstacle to long-term relationships. How can the secret logic of “dark” sexual desires help you find Mr. Right? “So many of my clients say they have to get better before they find Mr. Right,” reports Kort. “I think that is often a reason to avoid relationships and simply not true.” His new book is a practical guide to set gay men on the path to true love today.

Joe Kort is a therapist in private practice since 1985, specializing in gay-affirmative psychotherapy as well as Imago Relationship Therapy, which is a specific program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills. His first book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives, was a national gay and lesbian bestseller.

It really is a very in depth depiction of the Gay dilemma. Those of us who are fortunate/unfortunate enough to go through this will agree that nothing is easy about being a homosexual. As I read further into the book, I found myself identifying very closely to what the author wrote about. In fact, his detailed description of the common mental issues of homosexual teens and young men are so close to home that I often find myself tearing up because of all the repressed memories. This book is a great book not only for self-help but it also puts our issues in perspective. I haven't finished it but I'm looking forward to what else he has written.
I love this book. I ordered it because it is being recommended by the Fenway Communty Health Center in Boston and I am an older, late in life ex-closet case, and am awkward in the affairs of dating and the variety of options in the gay world. This book is so much more as the author does an excellent job helping us understand our common archetypes and predominant patterns associated with socializing in an unwelcome world. He helps us understand the common defenses gay men develop and while useful in earlier days given the predicament of young vulnerable gay men, he also helps us understand the problems with these internalized fears of self esteem problems and the problems these defenses cause us as we grow. In fact they hinder us. He advocates for consciousness and helps understand the core issues within us including those he had wtnessed as part of his psychotherapy work with gay men and couples. I can relate to his description of the maladaptive personality problems and he has hoped me see my shadow side, the ideal path for recovery and some tools for building and sustaining healthy gay marriages and partnerships. He has wonderful knowledge and writing skills to help us all use language to support us and normalizing us socially. He presents some scientific research that proves that homophobes in lab studies have an extremely high erectile response to homoerotic pornography while non homophobes measure little to none erectile stimulation presented with the same images. His arguments are both developed and written very well. Finally, he shows us the importance of integrating our shadow or subconscious minds into our adult personas. He shows us how to be the good gay homosexual warriors that through integration can actualize fully into very healthy social relationships with our male lovers and partners. It's a synthesis of a lot of good literature and research into a clearly written book that instills positive esteem for all of us. It is highly recommended either single, searching or partnered.
Very interesting read and I liked the way Mr Kort used real cases to illustrate his points. What I took away was: there is usually a reason for most of our self-destructive behavior. We need to have the courage and will to figure out what is and only then can we work to reverse it and have a healthy relationship. The most constructive thing I learned from this book is about the second phase of a relationship, which he refers to as the "power struggle." This is when the infatuation fades and your significant other is starting to irritate you. He basically says that the faults you find in your partner are actually faults that you have yourself! Sounds unlikely but in most cases, it is true! Many relationships fail in this phase and don't necessarily have to. Anyway, a good read and I am interested in reading more of Joe Kort's work...
Not every chapter will be a gold mine for everyone, but you will find something there for you. And it will be very helpful. Joe Kort has years of experience as a therapist for gay men. In this book he shares those years of experience gained from hundreds of clients. He presents many situations that we gay men face, from being bullied to being gay and married (to a woman), from sexual addiction to coming out. Your story will be here. He follows with explanations and advice that help you understand yourself and your relationship. His insights and advice are based on his actual experiences with his clients. He knows what works.
Excellent. I great bit help in understanding how childhood traumas influence out adulthood and what to do to become healthy and balanced. Explains very well how to work on yourself and what to look for in another to progress to real love.
I have to admit, so far I've read about 50% of the book and I really like what Joe Kort has to say on relationships. I agree with the views he has on making a relationship work. So far I have not reached the part of where can real love be found.
Excellent resource for men working through coming out and then thinking of the next step of relationship building. I hadn't really thought I needed to be "taught" how to be a gay man, yet I came to realize through the book that society discourages that learning and often openly opposed it.
Wish I had read this book eight years ago when I was coming out. Then again it is very relavent now that I am in a relationship and at times facing old demons.i bought a second copy for a friend struggling to find Mr. Right.